Cyborg
by MidnightSakuraBlossom and SYD
Summary: A Spongebob Squarepants parody - with cracky themes. Due to watching a scary robot movie, Deidara becomes scared to death and wary of the possible existence of robots. When Itachi gets involved, he becomes just as paranoid. Evidence points to their own leader, Pain, being an evil robot wanting to take over the world! Can the two set aside differences and save the day?


Author's Note: Hahaha...I got an idea to write this fic after flipping channels and watching the episode of Spongebob; Krab-Borg where Spongebob and Squidward think Mr. Krabs is a robot. The episode's real funny and you should look it up! ^.^

ANYWAY, I hope this fic's good. No need to take it seriously though; it's just a parody after all!

Now let me break this down: this IS a full of crack and PLENTY of OOC moments due to it being a parody. And there's also slight bashing of the movie Twilight; from Itachi's weird sense of humor.

This is who I've got as who:

Deidara as Spongebob Squarepants,

Itachi Uchiha as Squidward Tentacles,

Pain as Mr. Krabs,

Tobi as Gary the Snail,

Sasuke Uchiha as the radio DJ,

Danzo's voice as the operator for the ANBU ROOT service,

Sasori's kazekage puppet as the robot in the movie,

And Various Akatsuki members as bystanders in the chaos.

**Now then I have to warn you, POSSIBLE crack lies ahead! *Spooky tone* I suggest cautiously reading :P**

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor do I own Spongebob Squarepants. -_-

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Cyborg:

Currently in the Akatsuki hideout at night, a young, blond Akatsuki member named Deidara was up watching a scary movie.

He loved watching late-night scary movies; but nearly over half the time he'd get all freaked out and paranoid afterwards.

The leader then set a rule; Deidara wouldn't be allowed to watch late-night horror movies anymore. But thanks to the artist's stealth skills, he was able to sneak through and watch the movies without his knowledge.

"We now return to tonight's Extremely Creepy and Suspenseful Time Theater presentation of...'_Night of the Robot_'."

Deidara sat on the floor of the living room. He was wearing pajamas and sat there cross-legged with a huge bowl of popcorn by his side. He was pretty much glued to the screen in suspense over the movie.

The room was totally dark; save the eerie lights from the TV.

The TV screen now showed the actor (who was the protagonist of the film) being chased by really cheep looking robot (that looked more like one of Sasori's puppets; there was visible strings making it move in the background) on a really fake looking set.

"AAAAH! NOOO! ROBOT ATTACK!"

Deidara's eyes widened in complete suspense; would the guy be able to escape the robot? Meanwhile, Deidara absentmindedly put both hands in the popcorn bowl and his hand mouths took advantage of that and started chowing down on the popcorn.

Deidara was so engrossed in the movie, he didn't even hear Tobi sneak up behind him.

"Deidara-Senpai? Are you watching a scary movie again?" Tobi asked.

Deidara immediately screamed like a little girl; he just saw the robot step on the protagonist when Tobi asked that. He then whipped his head around to find himself face-to-mask with Tobi.

"TOBI!" Deidara shouted; his face now covered in a deep blush from where he screamed. "DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT, UN!"

Tobi winced and backed off slightly.

"S-sorry, Senpai..."Tobi whimpered. "B-but...Leader Pain says that you shouldn't watch scary movies..."

Deidara scowled and glanced at the screen out of the corner of his eye.

"I don't care what he says, un! I'm not a little kid; I can watch what I want!" Deidara ranted.

Tobi glanced at the screen and gasped as he pointed.

"IS THAT ONE OF SASORI'S PUPPETS? Sasori told Tobi that he sent one to the company to use in '_Night of the Robot_'! They must have accepted it!" Tobi cheered.

Deidara rolled his eyes.

Tobi then immediately turned his attention back to Deidara.

"...Senpai, Tobi thinks you're going to get scared and freak out..." Tobi mumbled.

Deidara's eye twitched.

"I AM NOT A CHILD, UN! SCARY MOVIES DON'T ALWAYS FREAK ME OUT!"

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**When The Movie Ended And Deidara Went To Bed...**

Deidara was now lying in his bed whimpering and shivering; wide awake and paranoid from the movie.

"What if Konan is a robot? What if the kage from the Hidden Rocks was a robot?"

Deidara's eyes then grew real wide as he rolled over to his left side and stared at Tobi was sound asleep on his side of the room in his bed.

"...WHAT IF TOBI IS A ROBOT?" Deidara said in a real paranoid fashion as he stared at his partner.

Deidara then swallowed and tossed back the covers; he HAD to find out if his partner was secretly a robot planning world domination.

...Okaaaay...Deidara's half-right with his conclusion at least!

Deidara slowly crept over to Tobi's bed and then punched Tobi in the back of his head; it didn't occur to him that he could have easily gotten a view of his face.

Tobi yelped and then grabbed his mask at the speed of light and sat up in his bed.

"Senpai? Wha-what are you doing?" Tobi asked as he rubbed the back of his head.

Deidara suddenly felt embarrassed. He blushed and tapped his index fingers together as he stammered.

"Um...ah...T-Tobi...if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right, un?" Deidara asked, becoming embarrassed by the fact that he was becoming paranoid.

Tobi blinked under his mask.

"Um...probably?" Tobi replied; sounding REALLY confused.

Deidara smirked and inwardly sighed with relief as he walked back over to his bed and got back under the covers.

"Ah, I got nothing to worry about, un. I'm just a little jumpy from the movie..." Deidara assured to himself as he closed his eyes.

"(_And now to get a good night's sleep, Un..._)"

Deidara then started to fall asleep, but then begins to dream...

_Deidara's Dream:_

_Deidara was now running away from the robot that was in the movie just like the protagonist in the movie as it slowly chased him._

"_AAAAAAH! GET AWAY, UN! AAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

_Meanwhile, Sasori cackled evilly in the background enjoying his old partner's misfortune._

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;**

**The Next Morning...**

Deidara trudged through the hideout looking awful; he hadn't slept well the previous night and was really tired.

His hair was a mess, his eyes had bags under them, and his hand mouths were yawning and getting saliva onto his cloak sleeve. He's also panting.

Then he glanced over and his eyes widened as he pointed.

"ROBOT, UN! OH MY GOSH!"

Suddenly, the 'robot' became the living room couch.

Deidara panted again and wiped his eyes.

"...H-huh?" Deidara stuttered out; it appeared that his eyes were playing tricks on him...

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;:;:**

**Meanwhile...**

Pain, the Akatsuki leader, sat down in his office chair getting ready to start on his paperwork. He had a small radio and smirked as he reminisced on how he got it.

...Konan chucked it at him violently after he accidentally walked in on her stepping out of the shower about three months ago.

"Oh well...I might as well play a little music while I do my work..." Pain muttered to himself as he pressed the button on the radio.

"And now for the 1# song in the Hidden Sound, '_Electric Zoo_'..."

Then some really catchy techno music started up from the radio; and Pain started tapping his feet to the beat as he smirked at it.

...The only thing kind of weird, was the fact that the DJ's voice sounded a lot like Sasuke Uchiha's...

"Hey, that's pretty catchy..." Pain commented as he grabbed a pen and started writing on paper. "Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep..."

Pain continued to poorly mimic the music...

"Yeah, that's not bad! I love this techno-age of music..."

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**Back With Deidara...**

Deidara suddenly looked normal as he walked into the kitchen. (His hair was suddenly fixed, the bags under his eyes disappeared, and he was no longer tired-just paranoid!)

Konan was at the stove making breakfast, and Itachi, Kisame, and Sasori where in the kitchen with her.

And poor Deidara was NOT having a good morning at all! He was so paranoid over robots attacking that he, in total, imagined at least four objects as robots:

The living room couch, Hidan's scythe, his bags of clay, and the door to Konan's room.

Just as the artist entered, the microwave went off; Kisame stood by there waiting for his coffee to warm up.

"I SURRENDER LORD ROBOT, UN!" Deidara screamed as he threw his hands in the air with his eyes closed.

When Deidara calmed down; he panted and glanced around as he opened his eyes, he was glad to see no robots in sight. But he DID see this:

Konan was staring at Deidara with widened eyes, Sasori was blinked repeatedly, Itachi was looking up from his newspaper, and Kisame was sipping his coffee and attempting to keep a straight face.

Deidara then blinked as reality dawned on him; he just totally lost his cool and acted worse then Tobi about something.

"Robots, Deidara?" Sasori asked. (He wasn't in Hiruko and was attempting to muffle some snickers that were escaping.)

"Ah...forget it...JUST FORGET IT, UN!" Deidara yelled.

Konan was standing by Kisame; they both exchanged looks at the same time.

"...Wait, why are you so fidgety?" Itachi asked.

Deidara was in fact fidgety, but he scowled and crossed his arms.

"Shut up, un! Drop everything!" Deidara snapped.

Just as Deidara turned around to walk off (so he could sulk in his room over the fact that he humiliated himself all because of a scary movie) the stove timer went off; making Deidara scream like a little girl.

And the scream was so powerful, it caused Deidara to jump in the air and his cloak literally flew off of him and over Itachi's head.

Deidara then blinked and walked over to Itachi; his face now flushed from the fact that he screamed like a little girl.

"Itachi, why are you wearing my cloak over you're head, un?" Deidara dumbly asked; he didn't see which direction his cloak flew.

Itachi glared daggers at the blond and took the cloak off his head and threw it at him which he caught in his arms.

"I am not wearing your cloak over my head, I am asking why you are acting so jumpy and fidgety this morning." Itachi replied.

Kisame meanwhile; nearly choked on his coffee. Itachi's hair got all tousled by the cloak over it and laughs escaped from his mouth over how funny the whole scene was.

"Yes...why are you?" Konan asked.

Deidara put the cloak back on over his clothes and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Er...I guess I'm just a little nervous and not myself today, thinking that robots are taking over the world; probably account of the fact that I snuck into the living room last night and watched a really scary movie about robot's taking over the world-I even questioned _Tobi_ about being a _robot_! Isn't that just funny, un?" Deidara replied; suddenly directing the reply over to Itachi.

Konan, Kisame, and Sasori all wore confused expressions and Itachi stared at Deidara blankly.

"...That is _hilarious_, Deidara." Itachi commented; evident sarcasm in those words.

Deidara immediately scowled and glared at the Uchiha who went back to reading.

And completely forgetting about breakfast, the humiliated artist left the awkward scene and walked back through the living room before things got even worse. . . .if that was even _possible_!

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Deidara walked through the living room, hands clenched tightly into fists as he proceeded back to his room.

Then he accidentally bumped into Zetsu.

"**Deidara? What the heck are you doing?**" Zetsu's dark half asked; really annoyed.

Deidara groaned and then rubbed his arm.

"...Nothing, un...just goin' to go try and restore what dignity I just lost in thirty seconds..." Deidara mumbled as he passed by.

He then suddenly froze and his eyes widened; he turned around to face Zetsu.

"...Say, you're not a robot, are you?" Deidara asked curiously.

Zetsu blinked.

"_No...I'm not..._" Zetsu's white half replied; now severely freaked out.

Deidara sighed with relief.

"Well then Zetsu, keep your eyes peeled." Deidara ordered. He then warily glanced around and whispered the rest into the plant man's ear. "They're _everywhere_..."

Deidara then nodded and walked off; leaving a really disturbed Zetsu behind.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Deidara then glanced back in forth in paranoid style as he walked back to his room. He walked past Pain's office and heard him talking.

"I feel _completely_ _recharged_!"

Deidara's eyes widened and he immediately froze right in the middle of taking a step.

"(_That sounded like Leader, un..._)" Deidara thought.

He then peaked through the window to see Pain sitting behind a desk shaking his radio and...talking to it?

"Come on, play it again. Please, _little buddy_?" Pain begged. "Just one more time! Can you do it for me?"

Meanwhile, Deidara's eyes widened as he witnessed that weird scene. He gasped and quickly backed away from the window and started talking to himself.

"That was strange, un...Leader was talking to that radio...and said he felt _recharged_..." Deidara said to himself as he crossed his arms and paced.

Then Deidara started laughing nervously as he waved his hand dismissively in the air.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's a..." Deidara's eyes widened as dramatic music played from nowhere. "A _ROBOT_, UN..."

Deidara then sighed and shook his head.

"Nah...that's stupid!"

Deidara then smiled (warily) and walked back over to the window and peaked through it again. ...Only to see the most disturbing thing in his entire life of 19 years...

Pain was on the phone; and he had called up the radio station.

"Yes, hi. I was wondering if you could play that song again."

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

**Meanwhile On The Other Side Of The Line In The Hidden Sound...**

Sasuke Uchiha sat in a chair as he propped his feat up on a machine. He looked really bored and was wearing a t-shirt and some ripped jeans.

"Which song, man?" Sasuke asked; not even realizing he was talking to the leader of the Akatsuki.

"The one that goes: 'bee-boo-boo-bop," Sasuke rose an eyebrow as Pain continued to mimic the song poorly. "'boo-boo-beep'."

Sasuke scoffed.

"No, you're thinking of: 'Bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop.'" Sasuke corrected.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;;;;;;:::**

**Back In The Akatsuki Base...**

Pain's eyes widened in confusion as Sasuke corrected him; the song didn't go like that! He was positive that his version was right!

"Bee-boo-boo, boo-boo-bop? Bee-boo-boo-bop? Bee-boo-boo-bop? Boo-boo-bee-bop? Not 'bee-boo-bee-beep'? Bop? _BEEP_? Boo-boo-bop!" Pain ranted

Deidara's eyes widened to the size of plates and he screamed as he backed off from the window.

He then panted and clutched his heart about to have a heart attack. Pain was beeping like a robot! Could he really be one?

"Oh, my gosh, un! Why was Pain making all those _beeping_ sounds? Could it be that he's..." Deidara once again looked paranoid with widened eyes as the dramatic music played from nowhere. "A _ROBOT_, UN?"

Deidara chuckled nervously and waved his hand dismissively again.

"Nah! I-I'm just paranoid from the movie, un..." Deidara mumbled to himself.

Unfortunately, the blond artist just HAD to let curiosity get the better of him; he peaked back through the window again.

...But what the 19 year old saw, was a scene that would scar him for the rest of his life...

The same techno music from before (Electric Zoo...) was playing from the radio and Pain was standing on his desk. . . .doing. . ._The Robot_.

Deidara's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets that time...

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Itachi stood in the living about to sit down on the couch. Just as he walked over to it, he heard a really girl-ish sounding shriek echo throughout the entire base.

"(_What the heck was-was that DEIDARA?_)" Itachi thought as he turned around sharply.

Then at the speed of light, Deidara dashed into the living as if he saw something utterly traumatizing (which he DID) and jumped into Itachi's arms in horror.

"ITACHI! ITACHI! IT'S L-LEADER P-P-P-PAIN!" Deidara screamed as he gripped Itachi's cloak collar. "...Talking to radio, un...beeping sounds...s-strange dancing...terrible...R-ROBOT!"

Itachi stared at the blond in his arms blankly. And Deidara was too freaked out to realize that he was in the arms of an _Uchiha_.

"...That sounds really terrible, Deidara." Itachi commented in an annoyed fashion. "...Go tell everyone else about that..."

Itachi then tossed Deidara (who was panting) through the open doorway to the kitchen and wiped his hands.

"Weird blonds-"

"I'M SERIOUS, ITACHI, UN!"

Itachi yelped as he noticed Deidara magically appear back at his side.

"LEADER PAIN IS A ROBOT! And I can prove it too, un!" Deidara shouted.

Itachi looked high and low for any way Deidara could have possibly re-appeared at his side so fast; but he found no evidence of how he did it.

"How did you...?"

"Okay, stay calm now! In the movie, the robot's didn't have a sense of humor at all; they COULDN'T laugh, un!" Deidara explained.

Itachi then rose an eyebrow as Deidara cupped his hands to his mouth; Itachi suddenly wondered if his hand mouths would try and lick him or kiss-

"Hey, Leader Pain, un!"

Suddenly, Pain appeared in front of them.

"What, Deidara?" Pain asked.

Itachi's eyes widened; how the heck was everybody suddenly appearing at random places so fast?

Deidara forced a smirk and pointed at Itachi.

"Itachi just told me a hilarious joke, and I thought you might like to hear it, un!" Deidara lied.

Pain blinked and looked over at Itachi.

"...Is that true, Itachi? The joke is hilarious?" Pain asked.

Itachi rubbed the back of his neck and avoided eye contact.

"Um...ah...yes..."  
Pain shrugged his shoulders and looked back at Deidara.

"Well then, let's hear it. I need to get back to Electric Zoo..." Pain coaxed.

Deidara nodded and clapped his hands together.

"Okay, un! Here it goes...ah...er...uhhhh...how did it go, Itachi?" Deidara asked as he directed it over to the Uchiha.

Pain stared at Itachi suspiciously as he cleared his throat nervously.

"Oh, ummm...it uhhhh...it went um...why did the teenager leave in the middle of the Twilight movie at the theater?" Itachi asked.

Pain rubbed his chin.

"Why?"

Itachi suddenly thought of a punchline and actually smirked.

"Because Edward Cullen _sucked_!" Itachi finished; snorting as he finished it out.

Deidara and Pain just exchanged odd looks as Itachi started laughing hysterically and clutching his sides.

"Hahaha! S-sucked! H-he...he...sucked! Hahaha!"

Deidara and Pain were now blinked repeatedly.

Itachi then calmed down and wiped tears from his eyes as he steadied himself up.

"B-because...he's a..._vampire_?" Itachi explained; a sweatdrop now visible on his head.

Deidara glanced at Pain was was looking annoyed.

"You aren't in the Akatsuki to perform stand-up, Itachi!"

Pain then sighed and walked off as Itachi glared.

Deidara then gasped and shook Itachi's shoulders.

"See, Itachi? There wasn't a chuckle! He didn't laugh because he COULDN'T laugh because he's..." Deidara shouted; now with widened eyes he added: "A _ROBOT_, UN!"

Itachi looked annoyed and knocked the crazy blond back.

"Deidara, there's a logical reason as to why he did not laugh. He has obviously heard it before." Itachi explained. He then sighed. "The only reason why you think the leader's a robot; is because you watched that idiotic movie last night! Now why don't you-"

"Hey, Leader Pain, un!"

Pain once again appeared magically and sighed.

"What is it now?" Pain asked.

Deidara thought for a minute and then sadly pointed at Itachi.

"...Itachi's father..._never_ hugged him, un." Deidara explained sadly. "Isn't that _sad_?"

Pain then rose an eyebrow as he looked at Deidara and Itachi blinked. Deidara was now crying and wiping his eyes with a tissue.

"Yes...that is really sad..." Pain commented as his face softened. Deidara's tears immediately dried and he stared at him. "...But Itachi can go hug himself in his spare time..." Pain finished as he scowled and walked away.

Deidara gasped and put his hands in his hair.

"Just like the robot in the movie! He can't cry either, un!" Deidara said.

Itachi glared menacingly at Deidara.

"Deidara, this is getting really ridiculous! My father never showed love to me, Sasuke, not even my _mother_! What did your _sob story_ prove?" Itachi snapped.

Deidara pointed and smirked.

"That's it Itachi, the final test:_ the_ _love test_! Robot's can't love, un..." Deidara said.

"Deidara, just stop this-"

"Leader Pain, un!"

This time, Pain scowled as he ran up to them.

"WHAT NOW, DEIDARA?"

Deidara smiled and wrapped his arm around Itachi's waist; pulling him close.

"Itachi just told me that he loves you, un!"

Pain blinked repeatedly and awkwardly stared at Itachi; who looked really freaked out.

"...I don't care what those fanfiction stories say, I'm straight..." Pain mumbled as he walked off; really confused.

Deidara gulped and stared at Itachi.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Pain then sat at his desk writing some stuff on paper as '_Electric Zoo_' played. Suddenly, the radio exploded and ruined from where it was used so much.

"Ah! The radio died!" Pain shouted as he leaned over and grabbed it.

He then checked the batteries and noticed that they were still useable.

"Hmm...the batteries are still good. . . .Ah...if I throw 'em away, Kakuzu will rant on and on about wasting money. I'll just keep them-" Pain was cut off by a bell going off.

Pain put the batteries in his cloak pocket and smirked as he walked over to a pot of boiling water.

"My heard-boiled egg's ready! Finally, I can already taste it..." Pain said as he picked up some tongs.

The leader then reached into the pot with the tongs and pulled out a boiled egg; and gawked at it like it was gold in the process...

"Gotcha! And what good is a hard-boiled egg without a little salt?"

Pain then grabbed a salt-shaker and started to put some salt on it-

"HEY! LEADER PAIN, UN!"

Deidara's sudden scream caused Pain to yelp and drop the egg and salt. The egg broke as if it was raw, and splattered onto Pain's cloak. Then the salt flew from the shaker in slow motion and got into his eyes.

"**AAAAAH! MY EYES! AAAAAAH! IT BURNS!**" Pain screamed as the salt burned his eyes

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

"Leader-"

"Deidara, be quite!" Itachi shouted as he put his hand over Deidara's mouth. "Now...calmly explain what these 'robots' in the movie looked like."

Itachi then let go and Deidara sighed and in a paranoid way, wrung his hands.

"Well...they had piercing sharingan red eyes, weird metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries, un!" Deidara explained.

Itachi sighed and crossed his arms.

"Okay now tell me, does Leader Pain look _anything_ like that?" Itachi asked.

Then as if on cue, Pain ran into the living room screaming in _pain_ from the salt burning his eyes. Both Deidara and Itachi noted that he had _sharingan red eyes_, _weird metal pinchers_ in his hands (he was still holding them and clicking them together...), and had _batteries_ sticking out of his cloak pocket.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Deidara and Itachi screamed as they hugged each other.

Pain then pretty much ignored the fact that they were hugging and ran into the bathroom as he screamed from the pain in his eyes.

Itachi then gulped and grabbed Deidara's shoulders.

"I'll evacuate the other members, you call the ANBU ROOT from the _Leaf Village_!" Itachi shouted.

Deidara nodded and dashed over to the phone as Itachi summoned all the other members including Hidan and Kakuzu who were on a mission.

"Hello, Operator? Hurry, un! Get me the ANBU ROOT division on the line!" Deidara shouted frantically.

Then Danzo's voice started talking on the other line.

"Hello. You have reached the ROOT's _automated phone service_." Deidara's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets again as he heard that.

"ITACHI! THE ROBOTS ARE RUNNING THE ANBU ROOT DIVISION, UN!" Deidara screamed as he threw down the phone.

Itachi gasped and turned around.

"Not the ANBU ROOT division!" Itachi shouted in despair. He then turned his attention back to the other members who were giving him odd looks.

"Attention everybody, run for your lives while you still can! Robot's are taking over the world!" Everybody blinked and Itachi sighed. "_The shinobi world_!"

Everybody the gasped at that re-phrasal and ran out of the hideout; leaving only Itachi, Deidara, and Pain in the entire place.

The two mentioned paranoid heroes, were now hiding behind the couch. Itachi was on his knees and Deidara was sitting up and hugging his knees.

"What do we do now? The robots are after us..." Itachi asked.

Deidara whimpered.

"I don't know, un!" Deidara cried. He then glanced down and smiled. "Hey! There's a coupon for pocky on the floor, un!"

Itachi's eye twitched.

"Deidara!"

"...Sorry, un..."

The two then heard the sound of a door opening. They got up and peaked over the couch to see Pain calmly walk out of the bathroom while holding a wet towel to his eyes. The batteries were still in his pocket and so where the metal tongs.

"Ah...that's better. Bee-boo-boo-boo-bop-bee-bop, boo-boo-bop..."

Pain then walked past the couch as he made 'beeping sounds' and walked back to his office. When he left, Itachi and Deidara cowered back behind the couch; Itachi raised his arm.

"We need to find out what that _robot_ did with the _real_ Leader Pain. But how?" Itachi pointed out.

Deidara sighed.

"Well in the movie, the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot, un..." Deidara explained.

Itachi rose an eyebrow.

"...They _poop_ on the robot?" Itachi asked.

Deidara blinked and then sighed again.

"Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions! Get _information_, un!" Deidara said.

Itachi looked blank again.

"Well I never thought I would say this, but Deidara, let's get that poop!" Itachi declared.

Deidara nodded and then grabbed a book seemingly from nowhere. The two unlikely heroes then read the book; the title was called '_How To Torture Someone through these 5 steps_'.

And as a montage of peppy music played, Itachi and Deidara stopped reading the book and went around the base looking for the tools they would need to get the 'poop' on the 'robot':

Itachi went into Zetsu's room and grabbed a hammer, and a saw. He then he went to Hidan and Kakuzu's room; he got scythe, poison, and some feathers. He then went to Konan's room and got some of her Lavender field scented perfume.

And Deidara got some old rope, knives from the kitchen, clay, Tobi's DVD collection of every Barbie movie, Sasori's _old_ comedy records and Itachi's photo book that contained many pictures of Jessica Alba.

The two then met back up in front of Pain's office door; both gawking at all the items the other was carrying.

"..."

"..."

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Pain was still sitting at the desk doing paperwork. Suddenly, Itachi and Deidara opened the door.

"Hmm? What's going on?"

Deidara and Itachi glared menacingly at the 'robot' as they walked inside.

"Uh...why did you lock the door, Itachi? . . .Why do you have that rope, Deidara? ...Is that a photo of _Jessica Alba_ in a bikini?"

Then for the next fifteen seconds, Itachi and Deidara attacked Pain and tied him up to his chair with the rope (which was pulled away from the desk) as he struggled to get out.

"Itachi! Deidara! What is the meaning of this?" Pain shouted; outraged by the sudden attack. "UNTIE ME RIGHT NOW!"

Itachi scowled.

"Shut up, fiend!"

Itachi then slapped Pain real hard in the face.

"WHAT THE HECK? What are you doing?" Pain shouted; his right cheek now red and stinging.

Deidara blinked as Itachi slapped him again.

"I said 'shut up', you bucket of bolts!" Itachi shouted as he slapped him a third time.

Deidara suddenly screamed.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT, UN!"

Itachi and Pain watched as Deidara ran over to the door and cried his eyes out. Itachi then walked over to him and put his hand on his shaking shoulder.

"Deidara, what's wrong?"

Deidara sniffed again and turned around to look at Itachi.

"Oh Itachi, I just can't stand to see someone get slapped! IT'S AWFUL!" Deidara replied.

Itachi shook his head.

"Deidara, that's _Robot Pain_. We have to be rough on him so that he will give us information.." Itachi reminded him; Pain was struggling to break free as he did so.

"Oh, un..." Deidara replied dumbly as he looked over at the 'robot'.

"...And the only way to deal with these robot types, is to find out _everything_ they know." Itachi said.

Deidara smirked.

"_Riiiiiiiight_, un!"

Deidara then ran over to Pain, and scowled as he slapped him in the face wordlessly. Pain scowled at him right after that and Itachi walked up.

"Deidara, you have to question him first." Itachi said.

Deidara blinked.

"Oh, I forgot, un..." Deidara mumbled.

Deidara then scowled and turned back around to Pain; Pain blinked.

"What's the color of my boxers I'm wearing, un?" Deidara questioned.

He then promptly slapped Pain in the face again; leaving him confused and annoyed.

Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Let me handle this, Deidara..." Itachi said as he sighed and walked over to the other side of Pain. "Now then, where is Leader Pain?" Itachi asked. (He magically turned out the lights and shined a tall lamp on him like seen in crime movies.)

Pain scowled at them.

"What the heck are you talking about? I'm Pain!" Pain assured.

...Itachi slapped him in the face again.

"We can do this _all_ night if you want." Itachi warned.

Itachi then got up in Pain's face (trying to avoid the piercings in the process) and scowled.

"Where is Leader Pain?" Itachi questioned.

Pain growled.

"I'm Pain!" Pain shouted.

Deidara then joined in and got up in Pain's face and scowled.

"_Where's _Leader Pain, un?"

"I'm Leader Pain!"

"Where is Leader Pain?"

"I AM Leader Pain! I AM! I AM! I AM! I AM! I AM! I AM! I AM!"

The two then retreated away from his face and Deidara rubbed his chin sagely.

"Hmm...this is one stubborn robot, un..." Deidara commented.

Pain finally realized what was going on; he scowled and then started yelling really loud.

"_**WHAAAAT?**_" The yelling caused the lamp to be knocked back into the wall and the lights to turn back on. Deidara also fell to the floor along with it. "_**YOU THINK I'M A ROBOOOOOT?**_"

Itachi's were wide from the yelling; but he recovered and scoffed.

"We do not think; we _know_!" Itachi said.

Pain's eye twitched.

"That's the stupidest thing I have EVER heard! I AM LEADER PAIN!"

Itachi glared and then bent over to look at Deidara who was still on the floor.

"He isn't cracking...he will never get it out this way..." Itachi commented.

Deidara thought for a minute and then smirked as he sat up.

"Don't worry Itachi, un! I got an idea." Deidara said. "Be on your toes while I'm gone; don't fall for his sick and twisted robot tricks!"

Deidara then dashed out of the room and Itachi smirked evilly as he walked back over to Pain.

**::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

Deidara eventually returned back into the room a few minutes later.

"If Robot Pain won't tell us where the real Pain is, maybe one of his little robot friends will, un!" Deidara said; holding up an Akatsuki printed cellphone that was shiny and sleek.

Pain gaped at it, and Itacchi rose an eyebrow.

"Deidara...that's just a cellphone." Itachi commented.

"Well I heard Leader talking to his radio earlier, he called it 'his '_little buddy_', un."

Itachi smirked.

"Ah...I see now."

Pain glared at Itachi.

"You're going to interrogate my cellphone? You're insane..." Pain commented.

Itachi and Deidara now each mad evil looks as they walked over to the desk which the cellphone lied innocently on.

"We are just going to see how much your '_little buddy_' knows." Itachi replied as he held up a baseball bat.

Pain gasped and watched as Itachi dangerously held the bat over it.

"W-wait! What are you going to do to my phone? It's a limited addition and has ALL my music, pictures, and information on it!" Pain shouted.

Deidara and Itachi loomed over the cellphone evilly.

"Now then, where is Leader Pain?" Itachi asked the phone.

(As expected) the cellphone just lifelessly sat there.

"Not talking, huh?" Itachi asked.

Itachi then crushed the phone into several pieces with the bat; Deidara watched in shock and Pain yelped.

"No! All my information!"

Itachi blankly stared at his work.

"...This brings back memories of the clan's massacre..." Itachi commented.

Deidara blinked.

"I guess it knew nothing, un..."

"Go get Robot Pain's _Vista _desktop computer, Deidara." Itachi ordered tonelessly; getting somehow lost in memories of screams of terror and dead, bloody bodies in his wake.

Deidara did just that and came back with the computer. But he also brought along the drive as well as the monitor.

"Wha-NO! Not my desktop! It has information on it as well! Stop, Itachi!"

Itachi ignored Pain's annoying words and smashed the desktop and it's drive; causing Pain to scream.

Deidara then put Pain's stereo system on the desk; Itachi smashed it too and the pieces went everywhere.

"MY STEREO SYSTEM!"

Deidara then put an Xbox 360 on the desk; Pain's eyes widened.

"Not the Xbox 360! I lo-well...actually, Konan gave me that thing last Christmas and I never touched it..." Pain mumbled the last part.

Itachi ignored that and smashed it anyway! Pain still cried out for his game system anyway...

"This is the last robot buddy Itachi, un..." Deidara said as he carried a machine over to the desk; it was Pain's huge collection of metal piercings that were inside a huge metal box.

Pain's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as Itachi raised the baseball bat over the box and Deidara aimed at it with the hammer.

"NO! Not my collection of _metal piercings_! It took me forever to get enough money to pay for them...I remember breaking my neck rounding up stray cattle just to earn the amount! NOOOO!" Pain shouted; tears now spilling over in his eyes.

Itachi and Deidara looked over at the crying 'robot' and their eyes widened.

"Uh...Deidara, I thought you said that robots can not cry..." Itachi said as he looked over at the blond.

Deidara was now sweating.

"I-I also said they couldn't love, un..." Deidara replied uneasily.

Pain was still crying.

"I love it so much, it's my entire life!"

Itachi and Deidara blinked as they heard that. Itachi then looked back over at Deidara and glared as he laughed nervously.

"Haha...um...at least h-he's not laughing, un..." Deidara stammered; now starting to believe that Pain wasn't really a robot.

Pain continued to sob.

"Oh, I remember the secret laughing fits I'd have as the metal pierced through my flesh!"

Deidara and Itachi's eyes widened as they stared at him; Itachi then went back to glaring at the blond.

"...Deidara, ah...how did that movie of yours end exactly?" Itachi asked.

Deidara blinked.

"The movie?" Deidara asked. He then smiled as he remembered. "Oh, yeah! The ending was amazing, un! Turns out that there really were _no robots_ it was all just everybody's...imagination..."

Pain stopped crying and glared at the two with an angry aura surrounding him, and Itachi stared at Deidara in shock as he sweat-dropped and chuckled nervously.

"Oh, I forgot to go eat breakfast this morning!" Deidara said; it was a poor excuse.

Deidara then dashed out of the room so he wouldn't get chewed out by Pain; realizing that he just became paranoid by the movie and that he really wasn't a robot and they freaked out for nothing!

Back in the office, Pain glared at Itachi as he attempted to chuckle nervously and sweep up the remains of his items.

Pain growled and then started to yell.

"_**ITAAAAAAAACHI UCHIHAAAAA!**_"

**The End.**

**:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

...Well...? Good or not...or just meh? ^^ I'd like to know.

This might be one of the weirdest fics I've ever done though. And I don't own any of the real life people items or companies! ^^'

Here's Some Notes:

**Something To Think About; Why would Itachi ask Deidara to call the _Hidden Leaf_ ANBU?**

**Scene;** The scene with Itachi telling the joke about Twilight was kind of inspired by a real life event that occurred yesterday. My friend (who's a guy) and me where out together and saw some books of the Twilight saga in the bookstore's window. And he...doesn't really have a good sense of humor and threw out that joke with Edward. -_-' It was real weird...

**Sasuke's Role; **I can weirdly picture Sasuke as a DJ. O_O That's why he's the DJ that Pain calls up.

**Scene; **Deidara kind of went into Hinata Hyuuga-mode when he questioned Tobi as about being a robot. ;) Think what you want about the scene, I made it a little suspicious on purpose.

**Deidara's Sentences; **I added 'un' at the end of all Deidara's sentences because I think it really suits him and it's kind of cute as well as annoying. =^_^=

**Pain's Moment Of Breaking The Forth Wall; **Pain broke the forth wall when he reacted about Itachi "loving" him. He was referring to those fanfics I've seen where he's gay and loves the guy members. -_- I really can't picture him loving the guy members so that's why he's confused.

**Deidara's Lack Of Hating Itachi; **I purposely made Deidara not seem to hate Itachi. Because he was so scared and paranoid that he didn't even realize he was teaming up with his enemy.

_Read and review~! :)_


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